How to Succeed in Hipsterness Without Really Trying

So, I heard you wanna learn how to be hipster. I can assure you, that you have come to the right place. It will be tough. You will want to conform, but that’s natural. Don’t worry, be happy. That was Bob Marley. But you’ve probably never heard of him.

First things first: looking like a hipster. The trick to looking like a hipster is learning, living, and loving the three V’s: Vintage, Versatile and Vans. Let’s start with my personal favorite: Vintage. First, never wear anything outwardly labeled with a brand name. Ever. I’m serious. If you’re ever caught wearing the following names you will be stripped of your hipster title immediately: Abercrombie, Hollister, Aeropostale, the Gap. Stick to things like vintage band t-shirts, prints like plaid, older florals, gingham, and maybe a little throwback seventies tie-dye once in a while, because everyone appreciates a good tie-dye. You can find these pretty much anywhere. American Apparel and Urban Outfitters are extremely popular among the hipster community, but you guys have probably never heard of those stores. “But wait… Ava that’s so many clothes. That’s so expensive. I’m just a college student!” Have no fear! The answer? THRIFT STORES, PEOPLE!!! Imagine rows and rows of cool vintage accessories and clothes from all eras, all for less than five dollars. It’s a frugal hipster’s dream!

Next up is Versatile. Going back to playing the broke college kid card, you don’t have the cash-money to have a celebrity-sized wardrobe, which means you have to get pieces that you can layer with multiple outfits and wear every day! Ooooo so grunge, so effortlessly boho-chic, so… hipster.

The last V to remember is Vans. Vans are a hipster staple. If you see a so-called “hipster” without Vans… well it just doesn’t exist. They embody the first 2 V’s perfectly. They are versatile because of their many colors and patterns, and they are vintage because they were introduced in the sixties and have since come back. Some other acceptable shoes include: Doc Martens, Converse, Oxfords, and Birkenstocks.

Next, a hipster’s gotta accessorize! With eyewear, the bigger the better, honestly, even if they’re fake. If they look good, who has to know, right? But mine are real… or are they? Hats are a must. Beanies, floppies, bowlers, boaters, oh my! Anything but a freaking fedora. Finally, jewelry. Layering and stacking is essential. Necklaces, bracelets, rings, the whole sha-bang.

Now, I have a question for you, readers. Where are you going to show off all this newfound hipsterness? Besides uber cool festivals and itty bitty secluded coffee shops, the obvious answer is social media. It is a hipster haven. It is where their egos continue to thrive. Twitter is for all your witty comments and opinions. Instagram is the home of artsy pics of sunsets and downtown buildings and weekly selfies, but you’re never smiling and more often than not, only ½ to ¾ of your face is shown. And the mother of them all: Tumblr. The secret to Tumblr is just that: it’s a secret. It’s your outlet. No one knows you have one unless another person mentions it first, ’cause you are desperate for more followers. Do I have a Tumblr?

No. (Yes).

Alright now that you look like a hipster and you’re showing it off, you’ve got to listen and sound like a hipster, too. The only thing that a hipster has to truly rely on during their most desperate and angst-ridden times is their music. Some self-identified hipster artists to watch out for include: The Naked and Famous, Arctic Monkeys, The Xx, Vampire Weekend, The Wombats and alt-J. But be very, very aware that these artists are–dare I say it…well known. Only listen to these bands ironically. Your homework for today is to search for some super underground bands that I haven’t even heard of. Become obsessed with them, but tell no one. That last part is key. Maybe just once in a while drop their name, but ever so subtly. To which you respond to your friends’ “Huh?” with, “Oh, you’ve probably never heard of them.” Ha. Classic.

Also, you gotta get down and recognize hipster terminology. The following words and phrases are acceptable and encouraged to be used, and used often: rad, gluten-free, high-waisted, indie, post-post-modern, good vibes, Coachella, stoked, and most importantly, “I am not a hipster.” Say that one over and over again. Ingrain it in your mind. Never forget. Now get outta here. I gotta go tune my guitar and work on my new underground jam. You’ve probably never heard of it and you probably never will.

How to Succeed in Hipsterness Without Really Trying

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